Circa 2018, we moved from Los Angeles, CA to Portland Oregon. I'm back in L.A. since December 2024, and it's been an emotional discovery, to say the least.
The old me in Los Angeles: I had so much to PROVE how much of a REAL GOTH or Deathrocker I was. I'd frequent Helter Skelter, Disko Nekro, New Church, and if I had the chance, Release the Bats in Long Beach. It was pretty much the same music every night, the same people every night. I attended an Industrial club called BatCaveLA, despite the name, it was a CyberGoth club, and I had so much fun. People would actually dress up, dance, and it was a great time. Then, compared to now, there still was dark androgyny, and the clubs felt Cyberpunk, not like the rivetjock/frat vibes that Industrial clubs have now.
I never went to anime conventions, Little Tokyo events. I got to see GPKISM, Seileen, and DJ SiSen, but still wasted time in Deathrock clubs. I'd never gone to any local Halloween or holiday events, horror themed cafes. Hell, I remember my gf wanting us to go to a Gothic Lolita tea meetup in DTLA, but it wasn't "TradGoth" enough for me.
After the repetitive music, the same compulsively hetero crowd, high cost of living in West Hollywood, we decided to give Portland, Oregon a try.
At first, it was an amazing change. You really didn't need a car to live there. It was such a GREEN city, so many homes with gardens, so many neighbors giving out produce for free. Downtown PDX was a fun place to go, whether it was Ground Control barcade, Glowing Greens Pirate miniature golf, hanging out by the waterfront on Naito Parkway, or just an overabundance of great places to bike. I had met a public figure/podcaster, who was the sole reason I learned how to build my own gaming pc. That friendship soured for many reasons, which I won't get into.
Then COVID happened. Naturally, the world became a scarier place. I spent so many months couped up in our apartment. Winter hit harder and the seasonal effective disorder felt so much more potent. Then came the wildfires. The skies were Bladerunner 2049 orange. It wasn't fun having to get groceries and coughing/gagging on the way in the store, especially during the peak of a public health crisis due to an upper respiratory disease. K-95 masks were hard to come by back then, and they were the only mask type that could block out particulates from wildfire smoke. We had to use a damp towel over a box fan to "filter out" all the ash that was seeping into the apartment.
Circa 2021-2023 the pandemic started to wind down, as far as social distancing. Vaccines were rolled out. Finally in 2022 the country lifted mask mandates. I was so happy. Everyone's face being covered and living somewhere where people already aren't the most social/possess social skills, made life even more depressing. However, it was around that time, I realized how Portland people, on a large enough scale to make things difficult, are into maximalist/purity politics. Businesses were still forcing mask mandates, social distancing, when other cities were trying to return to normal. I found showing proof of vaccination a reasonable request, but then Portland decided they wanted proof of vaccination AND you having to mask. It became compulsive. And as a result, it killed a lot of nightlife. Businesses began to close.
The politics shifted into a destructive form of radicalism. Rose City Antifa/Black Bloc vs Proud Boys civil war became such an exhausting thing to deal with. Almost everywhere you went in Portland was graffitied up with some scoldy/maximalist political slogan/screed. Being a Leftist leaning person, there was a silent ultimatum of you either want to burn your city to the ground, including the few remaining independent third places, or you're a "white moderate," and deserve to be assaulted too. This affected most of the alternative subcultures in the city, and those spaces became so toxic, so dogmatic, I stopped going out entirely and spent most of my time online, depressed, alone, and longing to move back.
Finally, after being back, it's such a noticeable difference. Seeing the sun for most of the year is so uplifting. I love that people here are into skin care, fitness, and there are cosmetic shops. You won't get accused of absurd things such as visiting an Aesthetician being compared to "appealing to beauty standards," or if you're appearance is anything anything other than frumpy hippie/hipster wear. It's nice to see city art that is good quality/attractive, not a hipster-crocheted stop sign, or an old clock hammered to a telephone pole ("#Art"). The political/radical graffiti thing doesn't exist here (thank gawd). I haven't experienced the toxic 'zero-COVID' mask-ti-vist types either (save for Taylor Lorenz and her small pond of an ilk).
New perspectives: Goth just isn't interesting to me. There have been problems here. My favorite club, which used to have a cool theme, joined with another icky bro-infested fetish night called Drac'haus, which is run by a MAGA chud, all because the original event organizer for the other club, moved overseas. Industrial nights have either been a hipster fest (Bunker), or a bunch of dudes in cargo shorts standing around (Term/Infekted). The CyberGoth thing is pretty much dead here. Raves/Scene/Emo-adjacent events have scratched the dark aesthetic/androgyny itch for me, without the cantankerous Gen X owned Goth events, that wouldn't understand creating atmosphere/aesthetics or running event that doesn't appeal to hyper-masculine dudes/predictable male gaze, if their life depended on it.
I love California. The nature here is beautiful if you know where to look. People say, "good morning," to you, in lieu of the PNW awkwardly looking away as you pass because of lack of social skills. People in L.A. are light years nicer than Portland people, despite all the dumb stereotypes (which mostly are about O.C. types/transplants). Maybe it's because people here are less socially anxious, maybe it's the weather, I'm not entirely sure.
It's still taking some getting used to, that this isn't a vacation. It's "home," again. There are many times, especially in social situations, where I'm on edge thinking that everyone at whichever event, is going to have that whole purity-testy energy about them, which never happens. People are socially progressive in to the degree of wanting universal healthcare, queer/immigrant rights, clean energy, for the United States to stop being run by old dumbasses that serve as an anchor dragging us back from catching up to the rest of the Western world, but most people here don't want to burn down mom & pop's coffee shop, expect you to purposefully grow out your armpit hair and dye it pink, hold reactionary anti-femininity views, want mask mandates, no scent policies in stores (it's a thing in Portland, that place is a living Onion article). Even the No Kings Protest was very peaceful, and hopeful feeling, with the community really coming together against ICE. I strongly believe that diversity is a large reason for politics not being stupid here too. Portland is VERY WHITE.
It's good to be home.
The only things I'll ever miss about the PNW are walkable/bikeable streets and not needing a car.
